I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
