Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
