you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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