Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
