after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
