What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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