My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
