i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
