One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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