We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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