So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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