2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
