I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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