Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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