so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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