Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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