i think i have two assholes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
