I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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