Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
