Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
