the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
