Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
