My liver just broke up with me...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
