I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
