That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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