If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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