you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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