The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wear drunk well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
