Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
