We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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