Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
