I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
