Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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