So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
