It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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