I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
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omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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