wrigley field is MILF paradise
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
