So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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