Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
