He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize