Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
