I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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