You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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