i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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