I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
