throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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