So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
