Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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