Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
