i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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