how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
