and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
