Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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