we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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