And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
