Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
