drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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