Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
