But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
