Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
