I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
