You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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