Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
