you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
