census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize