There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
