we have pet lesbian snakes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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